How to Thrive in Counseling, Even If You're Scared to Start
I’ve sat on both sides of the counseling room. That first session? It often brings a flood of emotions and a tangle of thoughts. I remember it well. Every woman who walks through the door carries her own blend of concerns, expectations, hopes, and questions. Some of the most common ones include:
Sitting on Both Sides of the Counseling Room
I’ve sat on both sides of the counseling room. That first session? It often brings a flood of emotions and a tangle of thoughts. I remember it well. Every woman who walks through the door carries her own blend of concerns, expectations, hopes, and questions. Some of the most common ones include:
Will I be understood?
Will this actually help?
What if it doesn’t?
I may not be able to answer all of these questions right away, but I can do my best to speak to some of the deeper fears behind them.
One way I try to lay a foundation for a first session is by inviting women to fill out a personal background questionnaire before we meet. I used to say it helped us “hit the ground running,” but I’ve come to describe it differently. What it really offers is space—for both of us—to take a deep breath at the start. We aren’t starting entirely from scratch. Many women have found that putting parts of their story down on paper beforehand brings unexpected clarity.
When I receive this document, I read it prayerfully, asking God to help me understand the heart behind the words and prepare me to listen with compassion.
How to Make the Most of Counseling
There are other things you can do to make the most of the opportunities biblical counseling can provide. Here are a few suggestions as you begin or continue your journey:
1. Be committed.
Come to each session with a hopeful and humble posture. Counseling is a space for learning—about yourself, about God’s care and character, and about how he might be inviting you into growth and healing.
2. Be honest.
I know that talking about the hard places in your life isn’t easy. It takes time to feel comfortable. I consider it a privilege to hear whatever you’re ready to share. The more open you can be, the more clearly we can both begin to see how God may be working.
3. Be patient—with yourself, with me, and with the process.
Struggles rarely form overnight, and they don’t usually resolve overnight either. It may take a few sessions to get a full picture of your story. Change often comes slowly and in stages. But Jesus has promised to finish what he begins (Philippians 1:6), and counseling is one of the many ways we can witness him doing that work.
4. Engage outside the session.
Occasionally, I’ll offer growth assignments aligned with what we’re working on—things to reflect on, practice, or pray through between our meetings. At the end of each session, we’ll identify at least one way to seek God’s help in the days ahead. Let that focus shape your prayers as you walk with him through the counseling process.
Our struggles can feel overwhelming. But we don’t face them alone. Our help comes “from the Maker of heaven and earth” (Psalm 121:2). Jesus knows and cares deeply about every personal and relational burden we carry. He speaks through His Word, works by His Spirit through His people, and—graciously—sometimes uses counseling as a means to extend that care.