How Do You Move Forward After a Difficult Season? Finding Hope When You Feel Stuck
A woman I counseled asked a question that many people quietly wrestle with after a season of deep hardship:
"Were you ever stuck for a long time after everything you went through? How did you begin moving forward?”
If you are in a season where you feel stuck—whether because of grief, regret, loss, betrayal, or circumstances you cannot change, you may find yourself asking similar questions. My hope in sharing this conversation is not to offer quick answers, but to help you think biblically about what it looks like to grieve honestly while learning to move forward in faith.
I have certainly experienced seasons of prolonged grief and regret. And though now those expereinces are not as debilitating, don't endure as long, and don't happen as frequently, I still experience profound regret over the parts of my story I cannot change and the impact that has had, especially on those I love.
How grief returns even after healing
I think that is why John Piper's brief reflection on grief has been so meaningful to me over the years. His phrase "occasionally grieve deeply" captures something important about the Christian life: grief may return, but it does not have to rule us. You can watch his short reflection here: [https://www.desiringgod.org/embrace-the-life-god-has-given-you].
"Occasionally grieve deeply" means at least two things:
You can't grieve all the time.
Sometimes (on occasion) grief comes back.
I think this is a normal part of Christian life. One reason I think that is because of how often we see Israel grieve the past, even though sometimes the psalmist is grieving things that happened hundreds of years before he wrote. (See, for example Psalms 44, 74, 78, 106) Repetitive grief is normal.
Piper also speaks about pivoting away from grief and toward living the life God has given (versus the life we wish we had).
How I have learned to move forward when I feel stuck
For me, pivoting has looked like many things.
One key strategy I have learned over the years is to consciously be aware that I am slipping into despair. I stop and name it. I notice it. And I ask God to help me not slip.
God doesn't always prevent it. And when He doesn't, I remind myself:
"You have felt this way before. God saw you through it. He can do it again."
I’ve frequently returned to another Piper quote that speaks to this:
‘It follows from this that we should all fortify ourselves against the dark hours of depression by cultivating a deep distrust of the certainties of despair. Despair is relentless in the certainties of its pessimism. But we have seen again and again, from our own experience, that absolute statements of hopelessness that we make in the dark are notoriously unreliable. Our dark certainties are not sureties. While we have the light, let us cultivate distrust of the certainties of despair.” (Emphasis mine.)
That quote is from pages 42–43 of his very helpful book, When the Darkness Will Not Lift, available for free at DesiringGod.org.
Practical ways to pivot toward hope
And then there are so-called pivoting strategies. They all largely fall into the category of obeying Colossians 3:2:
"Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things."
This is more than "getting your mind off" your negative emotion. It is actively seeking to move your thoughts from a place they no longer belong to a place that is more fruitful, more hopeful, more obedient, and more trusting.
You may have used some of these:
Move your body to move your mind.
Serve others sacrificially.
Read God's Word.
Read a good story.
Take a walk.
Take photos of flowers.
Spend time with a grandchild.
Learning to Live Faithfully in the Place God Has You
Remember that God speaks hope to Israel even when she has strayed.
Jeremiah 29:5 says to Israel (Judah in this case, exiled in Babylon):
"Build houses and settle down; plant gardens and eat what they produce."
Build and Plant
Work toward the future even though it's not the one you wanted and even if it's partially your fault.
Settle Down
Accept what is.* Work with what you've got. Don't pine away for the way things should have been. Make a home where He has you.
Find Joy Where You Are
Eat from the garden in the land of exile, build relationships, pour into your people, lean into the hard, and do it with joy even in your land of sorrow.
You can read the broader passage here, Jeremiah 29:4-7.
Judah in exile was suffering, in part because of their own sin, their parents' sin, the sin of their leaders, and they also suffered great injustice at the hands of Babylon.
But that didn't derail God's plan.
And none of your own sin and suffering derail His plan for your life either.
When your story is not the story you would have written
The story written for you, for me, might not be the one we would have written for ourselves. But who are we? He gets to decide.
So we bow the knee and fight for faith, day by day, to remember that God knows more and better. And if He says He will bring ultimate good from all our sin, mistakes, weaknesses, and all the ways we've been unjustly treated along the way, then we can believe it is the truest part of our story.
I'll say one final thing.
Remember in your grief and sadness and confusion and anger about the past:
Do not sin.
There is grace and forgiveness when you do.
But whatever "strategy" you choose, choose to love God and others well first.
Grace and peace friend,
Jacqueline
*Please note, I wrote this post as an actual letter to an actual counselee, and I know her circumstances. While I’ve worked with many women who might find comfort and clarity in the message of this post, others might be in situations they should absolutely not merely accept, but should actively work toward changing. Case in point, when God opened the doors for the remnant of Judah to leave captivity and return to rebuild life in Jerusalem, they were wise to do so.