There are seasons in life when you are doing everything you know to do, and it doesn't seem to help. And then there are seasons when you know all the right things to do but are hurting so badly you can hardly do them at all.
When You Know the Right Things but Still Hurt
I have sat with women in counseling rooms over the years and nudged the Kleenex box closer to their side of the table between us. It is a humbling privilege to sit with someone whose shoulders are quaking, whose heart is wracked with grief over all she can never undo, and who believes with all her heart that there is no longer any version of her life she would want to live.
I don't only recognize the emotion; I remember it. I remember the counselor who told me, "Thank you for the privilege of sitting with you in your grief," after I apologized for "wasting another session" with my ugly crying. I often remind my counselees, "It's a fallen world, and sometimes it falls on us." There are griefs so deep, problems so complex, regrets so profound, and questions so baffling that principles, promises, and practical strategies, as true and helpful as they may be, don't always bring immediate relief. The promises people offer us don't always fit the situation we're in. Sometimes we search Scripture for an explanation that isn't there, or for a promise that hasn't been fulfilled yet.
But there is still, there is always, the person of Christ.
The Comfort of Knowing God Sees You
When I think about the excruciating pain a person can feel when she finds herself “between a rock and a hard place,” I am often drawn to the story of Hagar in Genesis 16. She was desperate, stuck, and seemingly left with only bad options. What comforted her? It was realizing that God saw her. El Roi, the God Who Sees, saw her and was with her. Hagar's circumstances were complicated, and the passage doesn't offer an easy resolution to all her suffering. But she encountered the God who saw her in the middle of it.
Scripture doesn't promise that we will always understand our suffering or experience relief from it in this life. It does tell us that the Lord is near to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18), that Christ sympathizes with our weaknesses (Hebrews 4:15), and that nothing can separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:38–39).
You may not have an explanation for what you're experiencing. You may not know when, or even whether, your circumstances will change in the ways you long for. But your suffering does not put you beyond the sight or care of God.
When You Need Help Turning Toward Christ
“But how?” is a fair question. It's not that grieving believers have forgotten that Jesus is omnipresent. But it is human nature to seek a remedy, a solution, an explanation, or an escape, and to feel abandoned when those things aren't obvious or even possible.
Practical steps might include:
Finding someone who can sit and listen. When Job's friends first came to him, they sat with him in silence for seven days because they saw how great his suffering was (Job 2:11–13). Their later explanations did not serve him well or honor God.
Keeping a short playlist of songs handy that remind you of Jesus' presence with you.
Writing yourself a note when you are feeling well and can sense the nearness of Christ, then putting it in the front of your Bible to read when it is harder to hold on to those truths and feel His presence.
Finding a single verse that reminds you of Jesus' presence and turning it into a few words of prayer you can return to even when you are feeling at your worst.
Sometimes, a meaningful first step in counseling is shifting the goal from solving the problem to finding the person of Christ. This doesn't mean abandoning biblical truth, practical help, or the hard work of understanding what has happened and what to do now. But sometimes the first step is simply turning toward Christ, even when we cannot immediately address the grief, anxiety, or paralyzing confusion.
Jesus is near. Let's find Him.